"Reading Retart" is the 74th episode in the Skyrim for Pimps series and the 18th episode of Season 5. This episode is a "very special kind of walkthrough" for the mission, "Hard Answers," of the Thieves Guild questline.


Having learned that Mercer double crossed the Thieves Guild due to his jealousy, S'oggy teams with the quiet handjob giver, Karliah. Thinking it would be difficult to convince the guild that Mercer had truly betrayed them, Karliah hands S'oggy Gallus's journal. Karliah believes that this journal may contain evidence that Mercer is working against the Thieves Guild.

There is one problem however, neither of them can read Gallus's journal. S'oggy has to go to Winterhold to meet Gallus's old colleague, Enthir, who tells him to go talk to Calcelmo in Markarth, just to get somebody to read the journal for him.

Aela new outfits

Aela's newest outfits

Before S'oggy Balls|S'oggy heads off to Markarth, he rescues Aela, who's running in place to keep warm, by having her wear new clothes. However, the new clothes are even more revealing and S'oggy goes behind the bush to play with his d*ck as General Burnside watches.

On his way to Whiterun to ask Bjorlam for a ride, S'oggy actually passes by Crotch, who's heading off to College. Back in current time, where Crotch is listening to S'oggy's long story (see S'oggy Balls (Episode)), Crotch tells S'oggy that he doesn't remember meeting him there. Soon after, General Burnside, who was delivering a letter to Fün (see Search for Mai Dik), joins up with S'oggy. Crotch wonders where Aela is, who is the only one missing by his side since General Burnside's arrival. To Crotch's disappointment, S'oggy takes this as an indication that Crotch would like him to continue his story to find out what had happened.

So, back to his long story. Bjorlam gives S'oggy a ride to Markarth, where the first thing he sees is a murder right in front of him. This excites the punching theifman and kills the murderer and another passerby.

Crotch s'oggy meet for the first time

Crotch and S'oggy meets for the first time

Finally, in Understone Keep, S'oggy talks to Calcelmo and tries to get him to read the journal. However, Calcelmo tries his best to shoo away S'oggy and succeeds in doing so. Having been rejected, S'oggy decides he's going to check out the Dwemer Museum in the meantime and enters the restricted area heavily staffed by guards. This does not bother S'oggy since he likes smashing people into the ground. Furthermore, the guards do not turn out to be the brightest bulbs and knock into the blade traps or hang around in the flamethrower room. The guards turn out to be quite useless as the Dwemer Museum are full of traps.

He finally reaches a large rectangular stone with words inscribed on it. He decides he should copy the contents of the stone down and hands them back to Calcelmo. This seems to convince Calcelmo to teach him how to read. So S'oggy, under the gentle gaze of Aela and General Burnside, starts training how to read.

Book montage

Book montage

A montage shows S'oggy immediately taking skooma and going around riding a Tele-tubbie and fighting demons as he is supposedly becoming literate. By the last scene of the montage, he is so literate that the books go flying across the streets of Markarth.

Having gained the ability to read after a week of training, S'oggy thanks his master Calcelmo and leaves Understone Keep.


Skyrim For Pimps - Reading Retart (S5E18) - Walkthrough

Skyrim For Pimps - Reading Retart (S5E18) - Walkthrough

See alsoEdit

Season 5
S'oggy Balls

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