"Invisible Man Job" (originally titled "Invisible Wank Job") is the 73rd episode in the Skyrim for Pimps series and the 17th episode of Season 5. This episode is part of a "very special kind of walkthrough" for the Thieves Guild questline in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.
Plot[]
After stopping at Whiterun to deliver mail to Ysolda. S'oggy heads over to Snow Veil Sanctum near Winterhold to defeat Karliah. Mercer is waiting over there so they can head on in together. Along the way to Snow Veil Sanctum, S'oggy finds a goat looking at a dead goat. S'oggy offers to find the killer for the goat thinking it has to be a mad wizard who has "an irrational hatred of goats. See Tolfdir in A Pimp Goes to College.
However, he focuses back to what he should be doing and finally reaches Snow Veil Sanctum. S'oggy apologizes to Mercer for being late since he had to stop over at Whiterun. Mercer has good news for S'oggy. He found Karliah's horse and he killed it.
Oddly enough, Mercer wants S'oggy to lead which makes him the follower. S'oggy compares this to dancing. Mercer's the woman, our cat-hero's the man. Mercer warns S'oggy about blundering into traps but S'oggy reassures him that he'll never do that.
"I just like to run in and smash people immediately."
Mercer also starts talking about the old days when Gallus was around 25 years ago. Intrigued by the times, S'oggy asks about the old days, if Karliah gave them both hand jobs. Mercer responds to that question by telling him that Karliah's greatest weapon was the element of surprise.
"Yeah, I bet you were surprised when she pulled your pants down and started blanking both of you."
This starts to turn on S'oggy and wonders if she still the same 25 years later. And what about Gallus? What happened to him?
"The last thing I saw was Karliah dumping his body into an opening."
S'oggy concludes that the hand job was so good that he died. Mercer tells S'oggy that she was the best.
Motivated to go get a hand job from Karliah, he gets ready to get wanked out of nowhere. He tries opening the door to the Sanctum but Mercer has the keys. S'oggy irritated that he's making S'oggy do extra work, threatens to slit his nuts. Mercer, who was being arrogant and telling him that whatever he has to say "better be important," quietly opens the door for him.
Unfortunately his followers must stay behind. This being the first mission accompanied by Mercer, S'oggy discovers that Mercer has a cool fighting pose. He also discovers that Mercer is quite the idiot. He tells Mercer that he has a secret and orders him to stand in one spot. S'oggy pulls the trigger to activate the spiked door strap and knocks him out cold. S'oggy decides this is the time for him to use his balls as a CPR method and puts his balls in his face.
"I got a secret to tell you. You know what it is? You're a fucking idiot."
The voice in his head thinks that they should be sneaking around as this is the Thieves Guild. S'oggy assures the voice that "sneaking around is not how Thieves roll, my friend." Activating another trap, S'oggy expects Mercer to get hit again but disappointing as it is, Mercer was standing in a safe spot.
"That was good you just did like a matrix thing where you just stood in one spot and barely moved and they didn't hit you."
S'oggy ponders whether he has brain damage due to the hand job and that's why he's always angry all of the time. Teasing Mercer throughout, they finally reach their destination deep in Snow Veil Sanctum. Suddenly, S'oggy gets paralyzed by a surprised hand job by Karliah. S'oggy notices that she takes a potion to become invisible temporarily and that how she does it. He tries to tell Mercer about what had just happened by Mercer turns around a slices his dick off.
Awakening from a Skooma Break, S'oggy sees that he's outside Snow Veil Sanctum, where Mercer was first waiting for him. Instead, Karliah stands in that spot. She tells him that she saved his life by sowing his dick back on. It turns out that Mercer was the one who killed Gallus not Karliah's hand jobs. Mercer was jealous that Karliah gave Gallus a hand job. Apparently back 25 years ago, when Karliah and Mercer were dating, Mercer suggested they try a threesome. They found a scholar from the College of Winterhold named Gallus on craigslist. He was a natural thief and a leader. No surprise she wanted to give him a hand job, even S'oggy feels that he would.
However, she going to need some proof to convince the rest of the guys back at the Ragged Flagon. Fortunately for Karliah, she picked up Gallus's old journal from his corpse before she got there. S'oggy tells her that he can't read and she tells him that she can't also. S'oggy, excited to find another illiterate, offers to go find Ysolda so she can read it for them. Karliah has a different idea. She wants him to go find Gallus's colleague back at the College of Winterhold.
So S'oggy head off to Winterhold, where Aela starts running in place. S'oggy tries his best to stop Aela telling her that she's fit enough and that she'll get hurt but she just won't stop.
"It's not that slippery. You're exaggerating."
S'oggy finds Gallus's colleague in the inn at Winterhold. It turns out to be Enthir. He asks if he can translate Gallus journal. However, Enthir tells him that he can't read Gallus journal either. S'oggy Balls|S'oggy is enraged since he thinks Ysolda would be able to read the journal no problem. S'oggy asks where Gallus learned how to read and Enthir points him to Markarth and Calselmo who is one who can read. Trying to learn more about Gallus, S'oggy asks any other things he knows about Gallus before heading over to Markarth. Enthir tells S'oggy that Gallus used to be a dear friend of his and he used to excel in academia. But it was in his nature to chase after hand jobs. When asked why Enthir answers,
"For the thrill of course."
Apparently, "he felt more in his element climbing through a window rather than hunched over a dusty tome," which S'oggy takes it to mean Gallus liked climbing into someone's bedroom to get a hand job rather than being hunched over his desk jerking over a magazine. Makes sense. S'oggy asks how they met in the first place, and Enthir tells him that he met Gallus when he was trying to break into his laboratory. Hilarious.
Video[]
See also[]
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