Fün Tits

Template:Infobox

Fün Tits is a Nord and one of the central characters in Skyrim For Pimps. In the past, she has been called "Fun Tits" (without the umlaut) by rude people and nicknamed "Tidbit", "Ham Shank", and "Beef Roast" by Arnbjorn.

Characteristics

Fün is a quintessential mace-weilding, face-bashing warrior: typically she is seen to wield one weapon in each hand, though at the end of Season 1, she also used a Staff of Dread Zombie on Astrid's corpse. She begins the series as a human, being transformed into a vampire only later by Lord Harkon. When interacting with other series-specific characters, she is shown to be fairly self-centered and manipulative, even going so far as to employ Crotch Guzzler to retrieve the corpse of Astrid, leaving him waiting for a full night, and finally compensating him with an unintelligible pancake recipe.

It is hinted many times that Fün is a hermaphrodite.

Relationships

Astrid

Astrid is the leader of the Dark Brotherhood. Fün first met Astrid when Astrid dragged a sleeping Fün halfway across Skyrim to an abandoned shack in order to recruit her. Fün found Astrid to be "lickable."

In season one, Fün used to have a one-way relationship with Astrid. Fün would try to woo Astrid with flowers, meat (Leg of Goat Roast), and sexy clothing (Sex Armor) but Astrid would family zone her as "sister." Astrid already had a working relationship with Arnbjorn. This changed when both Arnbjorn and Astrid died and Astrid was burnt to crisp. Even though Astrid died, Fün could not let go and she would revive Astrid every sixty seconds to have sex with her.

This continues for a while, until Babette tells her a wave of vampires are in Skyrim. Fün comes up with an idea to "revive" Astrid. Fün would become a vampire herself and bite Astrid to turn her into a vampire. During her adventure looking for vampires, she meets Serana and comes to like her. Fün, confused on which lady she should choose, consults The Oracles and decides that she will date both Astrid and Serana.

Both Astrid and Serana join her in resurrecting the Dark Brotherhood and Fün tries to get Astrid new skin from a Daedric prince but ultimately she realizes that Astrid is going to remain looking like crispy bacon.

Afterwards, Fün goes back home to retire and settle down with Astrid and Serana, but she finds them both killed by Miraak/Crotch Guzzler's cultists.

Fün finally gets over Astrid after Cock Nibbler drugged Frea to like her.

In Skooma Parley, S'oggy Balls gives the Leg of Goat Roast to Fün since the roast contains the soul of Astrid. This was first identified by Paarthurnax.

Biography

Fün Tits makes appearances in Season 1, Season 2, Season 4, Season 5, and Season 6. Fün Tits stars (or co-stars) as the main character in Season 1, Season 3, and Season 6. See Timeline for a visual of the events in relation to the other three main characters.

Note: Chronological order of her adventures is Season 1 → Season 3 → Season 6 (Episodes 32 - 39) → Season 4 (Episodes 8 - 19) → Season 5 (Episode 30)

Season 1

Main article: Season 1 - Story

Fün Tits joins Dark Brotherhood in Quest for the Demon Horse, Shadowmere. During her adventure she falls in love with Astrid, and murders many people.

Fün Tits adventure began with being captured by Astrid, who asked her to join Dark Brotherhood (a group of assassins). Fün quickly raised through ranks after successfully completing many assassinations before being tasked with helping to assassinate the Emperor. After making an unsuccessful attempt and killing a decoy Emperor, Astrid inadvertently sold out Dark Brotherhood and caused the destruction of most members and their sanctuary. Even after finding out about Astrid's betrayal (not to mention the numerous problems their "relationship" had endured), Fün Tits decided to stick by her and finish out the rest of her days in the destroyed sanctuary with Astrid's resurrected burnt body.

Season 3

Main article: Season 3 - Story

While resurrecting Astrid every sixty seconds is enjoyable, Fün Tits has grown bored and finally decides to leave the cave. She has heard talk of vampires and an organization called the Dawnguard. But it isn't vampire hunting Fün is interested in, instead she seeks to become a vampire, bite Astrid and make her alive again! Fün heads to the Dawnguard and is ordered to investigate Dim Hollow crypt where the vampires are seeking something. After fighting her way through hordes of impossibly tough vampires, Fün discovers a sealed crypt and inside is a sexy lady named Serana. Fün takes Serana back to her home Castle Volkihar and meets her father, Lord Harkon. Obtaining the ability to become a vampire from Harkon, she sets out to aid in Harkon's life long dream: to blotch out the sun.

After shooting the sun out of the sky, she remembers that the whole reason she became a Vampire was to bite Astrid and turn her into a vampire. Fün asks her wizard neighbor, Crotch Guzzler, to retrieve Astrid's corpse and revive her.

Season 4

Main article: Season 4 - Fün's Story

She kills Ainethach and decides that's her assassin days are over. She is going to retire and settle down with her two girlfriends Serana and Astrid. However, she gets back to Whiterun and find cultists everywhere. And they killed Serana and Astrid too. To seek revenge, Fün Tits goes to Solsthiem to defeat the leader of the cultists, Miraak.

Along the way she meets Frea, whose village was being tortured by Miraak, and starts to take a liking to her. Perhaps Solsthiem wasn't bad after all.

Season 5

Fün Tits is not a main character in season five. However, she does make some appearances.

In the episode, "When Tits Met Balls", she complains about her problems with Astrid to S'oggy Balls and he gives her a sample of werewolf blood as well as Wuuthrad.
She reappears in "To Kill a Dragonborn" shortly after S'oggy Balls witnesses Crotch Guzzler's suicide at the College of Winterhold.
In Skooma Parley, she aids the other two Dragonborn, along with Frea and Brad the Bard in the brutal, but some could say deserved murder of S'oggy Balls. She apologizes for not paying for the werewolf blood that he gifted her, and then stands quietly, waiting, until she takes out her crossbow and fires multiple shots into S'oggy Balls, though she takes no action in the murder of Aela, and S'oggy Balls' unborn child.

Season 6

Fün Tits is a co-star of season six of Skyrim For Pimps. She is the main character in episodes 32 - 39. She also makes an appearance in episode 23.

In the episode The Lich Dome (S6E23), Fün meets Cock Nibbler on her way to Markarth to meet her Dark Brotherhood contract, Muiri. Fün Tits is asked by Cock Nibbler to kill him because he is ashamed of his one night stand with an ugly lizardwoman.

Starting with Dark Sisterhood (S6E32), Fün Tits and her girlfriends, Serana and Astrid, go on a journey to revive the Dark Brotherhood. They travel to Dawnstar, where the new headquarters are located and meet the new recruits Averna and Stabby.

Quotes

"Hey everybody, wassup? What's happenin', bitches?"
"Oh Jesus, Horse ... Look at you go."
"I'd like to be a friend of the Frea. Maybe a friend of the Frea, with benefits?"
"I used to be an adventurer, until I took an Astrid to the heart."
"You know, I'm surprised this arrow through her skull didn't kill her."