Brad the Bard is a bard who plays at the Bannered Mare and more recently at Cock Tower.

He first appears at the Skooma Parley in Cock Nibbler's tower, singing a cover of The Rains of Castamere - The Rains of Elsweyr in the episode, Skooma Parley (S5E30).

Since the beginning of Season 6, "Songs of Skyrim with Brad the Bard" has replaced Skooma Break's weapon dedication, honoring the sponsors of the show. During the segment, Brad sings one or more song(s) about the episode's sponsor(s).


Note: Events are in chronological order.

Before the kidnappingEdit

Brad the Bard used to play at the Bannered Mare singing songs of the heroic deeds of "Fart Meister." One day, Cock Nibbler entered the tavern and killed the imposter hero. Brad has to find another hero to sing about and decides that he will sing about Cock Nibbler. However, Cock does not want the bard bothering him. (Kill the Chickens)

Brad the Bard ends up singing about all the other heroes of Skyrim, which would be the sponsors of the show.

Torturer kidnaps BradEdit

At some point, likely to be around Pastel HELL, Brad the Bard was kidnapped by a masked man. This man tortured Brad to hear a few songs about the heroes of Skyrim.

It was revealed in the episode, Erik The Cabbage Slayer, that Brad the Bard cannot eat gluten, as he actually has Celiac disease.

Cock Nibbler comes to rescue Brad but Brad rescues Cock insteadEdit

It takes a while for Cock Nibbler to notice that Brad was kidnapped but when Cock goes to the Bannered Mare to pick up Brad, Cock sees a letter on the counter of the bar saying Brad is being held captive at the Mysterious Cave near Solitude.

Cock Nibbler rushes on Bjorlam's wagon and arrives at the Mysterious Cave.

At the Mysterious Cave, Brad the Bard, Cock Nibbler, and Brad's torturer have a sing off. Brad sings a ballad; the torturer sings heavy metal; and Cock sings in an amateur tune.

After singing, Cock Nibbler and the torturer fight but Cock falls to the ground. Brad, on the other hand, realize that the cell he was captured in was open all along and heads for the exit. Cock wakes up and sees the torturer dead on the floor and Brad standing over him. Brad explains that he destroyed his torturer's soul by smashing a crystal. Cock, embarrassed, dismisses Brad's heroism. (Heavy Metal Musical)

Brad makes his mouth useful for DragonsEdit

Later, Brad is brought to the Dragon BDSM chamber where he must orally pleasure a dragon in exchange for information on Goat Nibbler. (Heavy Metal Musical)

In Main Quest Completed, Cock arranges Paarthurnax to have his own personal... bard and promises to include Brad in his will.

The events of Skooma ParleyEdit

Brad the Bard first appears singing The Rains of Elsweyr. The song is a threat to S'oggy Balls at the Skooma Parley, but he does not notice as S'oggy is distracted by all of the skooma he is surrounded by. Brad is also one of the killers of S'oggy Balls, after shooting him with a crossbow during 'the best skooma break ever'.

The Rains of ElsweyrEdit

"And who are you?" that Nibbler said, "That I must bow so low?"

"Only a cat of a different coat, that's all the truth I know,"

"In a coat of gold, or a coat of red, a lion still has claws,"

"And cocks are long and sharp my lord,"

"As long and sharp as yours,"

And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that lord of Elsweyr,

And now the rains weep o'er his walls, with no-one left to hear,

Yes now the rains weep o'er his walls, and not a soul to hear.


Brad the Bard is voiced by Brad Knight, who makes frequent appearances on the non-gaming channel Blame Society Films, on the shows Beer and Board Games and Chad Vader.

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.